‘Who better to run USDA than a farm animal?' says Trump
Self-styled “Emperor-in-Chief” Donald Trump was especially gleeful today, as he announced in a series of tweets that he has decided to withdraw Sonny Perdue's nomination as Secretary of Agriculture.
“Senate approved Betsy DeVos. Smart move. Best move. Gave me and Senators lots of money, which is good for America #MAGA.”
“Now, I have a better candidate than Betsy DeVos. You'll love it. A great candidate! Get ready, US. Best candidate ever!”
“I've asked Frank Perdue to withdraw his candidacy for Secretary of Agriculture. He did. Great guy. The best guy.”
The previous tweet was deleted shortly afterwards and replaced with this tweet:
“I've asked Sonny Perdue to withdraw his candidacy for Secretary of Agriculture. He did. Great guy. The best guy. Who's his replacement? Announcement soon.”
Trump followed the corrected tweet with this one:
“Get ready America! Awesome announcement coming! The Best!! You'll love it!”
And finally, this one (spread over a couple tweets):
“Today, I nominate a Perdue chicken (best chickens!) to serve as Secretary of Agriculture. There's precedent! Italian emperor guy put a horse in Senate, so I want a chicken for USDA. Besides, the chicken is smarter and more qualified than the brilliant Betsy DeVos, even with head cut off. Expect quick Senate confirmation. #MAGA”
"Trump Promises ‘Full Attention' on Coded Jeannie Messages" by Richard Klin, Humor Times 2/6/2017
Report: Trump spent much of the past few days watching ‘I Dream of Jeannie' and is ‘concerned.'
A highly placed spokesman for President Donald J. Trump revealed that the administration is launching a concerted effort to purge the media of “coded Islamic messages.” “It's all hands on deck,” the spokesman said, “this is coming straight from President himself.”
Trump spent much of the past few days watching continuous episodes of I Dream of Jeannie, and while the President concluded that “Barbara Eden's hotness factor was nine, almost a ten,” the show's Muslim undertones have caused grave concern.
“Jeannie's from Baghdad,” the spokesman continued. “And in light of what happened in Bowling Green, the President is taking no chances.”
Trump's focus, the spokesman went on to explain, “won't be solely on Jeannie. Multi-tasking is his strength, and the President is also very concerned about the Hadji character from the Jonny Quest cartoon series.” There will be many such policy initiatives in the months to come, including a focus on the Fez character in That ‘70s Show.
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