My parents are very conservative and we live in a gated community in the 'burbs.
I was 'home schooled' since I was 12 because my parents were concerned about the liberal education I was getting and didn't want me exposed to the “coloreds' in my school.
I was confirmed at Landover Baptist church when I was 13 and took the Golden Pledge. I wear my chastity ring proudly, but lately I have been very horny and have already worn out one vibrator.
I asked Pastor Fred if it was OK for my white friend , Sarah, and I to experiment. Pastor Fred said 'no way' because that was against the teachings in the Bible. When I asked him for chapter and verse, he said that the Bible had no loopholes and and it was written in such a way that you could always interpret it to ban any sort of offensive behavior.
Pastor Fred also said that my parents would be ashamed of me if I grew up to be a lesbian. I told pastor Fred that I didn't know what a lesbian was, but I didn't think I was one of them.
Pastor Fred said ' good' and invited me to watch the militant Christian band the BarlowGirls at Landover Baptist church. He said as long as I kept coming to church, the sexual demons that were tormenting me would leave.
My parents explained that believing in Jesus is what is important because Jesus will always take care of me. If more people understood this, they wouldn't be seduced by the mammon of Social Security and Medicare.
Dad said, that I will be in paradise when I die so the GOP health care plan 'to die quickly' makes perfect sense. Dad said that what is going on here on earth is not that important. Its your eternal salvation in heaven that I needed to worry about.
When I graduate from 'home school' my parents said they would send me to Bob Jones University or Oral Roberts University to get a good Christian college education. After a year I will able to join a Christian sorority which will train me for a leadership position in the Republican party.
My dad said the Greek fraternity and sorority system are true Ivory Bastions. I will also be able to find a young conservative person like myself and get married. Mom suggested that I do not have children immediately. She said I should try dogs first.
Once I find the husband of my dreams and make enough money, we will be able to move into a gated community, too. This is the dream of all American Whitopians.
While many will find this bit of sarcasm offensive, what I find offensive is the forceful invasion of fundamentalist religion into our political debate. In effect, trying to make fundamentalist religious belief the law of our land, like California's Prop 8.
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