"Sarah Palin to Play Tina Fey on Fox Show" by Kate Morrison, Humor Times
Fox News confirmed that Sarah Palin is going to play Tina Fey on their new show Faux News or Fox News: You Decide. Ms. Fey is unavailable to host the show due to her huge comedic popularity so Fox News Executives asked Sarah Palin; also hugely popular for her comedic value.
"It turns out most Americans can't tell the difference between the two women" said a representative from the Fox Network. "And those who can either love Sarah Palin or think she is a biggest joke ever-either way, Palin is a perfect stand in for Tina Fey."
A spokesperson for Ms. Palin said she is looking forward to working for Fox, "Sarah has a good sense of humor, the camera loves her and it will give her a good cover for any future political or geographical gaffs."
Palin is excited about the new show and likes the idea of being a "Polebrity:" a combination of a politician and celebrity. "You Betcha" said Palin when we caught up with her at yet another book signing. "It's a perfect match for my love of the limelight, my good looks and my ability to appear as if I know what I am talking about."
On the new show, Faux News or Fox News: You Decide, viewers will vote by texting "real" or "faux" after each story to a number that will run on the screen during the story. "It's a totally new direction for Fox News" said a Fox News Programming Manager. "Rather than letting our sponsors decide what is "news," we're going to let the viewers decide." Stories voted real will appear later each evening on Fox's News Late Edition.
"Wall Street Firms, Banks Agree: Times Never Better" Humor Times exclusive
Calls for another 'profitable crisis for America' mount
Wall Street and the major banks have joined together to call for another economic crisis, since the recent one "worked so well," according to sources.
"Our economy has had a miraculous recovery," said Lloyd Blankchek, CEO of Goldman Sachs in a press conference today, "and our company, along with other heroes of Wall Street, say let's not mess with success - in these times, any formula that works should be duplicated, if possible."
Indeed, the crisis and the bailout that followed it resulted in a bonanza year for Goldman Sachs, which in 2009 set aside a record $16.7 billion to pay its workers, or about $700,000 per employee. "And that's just chump change," said Blankchek, "with our talent, we can do even better - with the right stimulus."
Not all companies agreed totally with Blankchek's strategy, however. Bank of America CEO Ken Lewis said that a "regular, recurring" crisis with accompanying bailouts was the "more secure strategy going forward."
"What we need is a way to assuage the uncertainty of critical players in the financial marketplace, so as to allow them to do their jobs with more confidence," said Lewis, "so I propose a regularly scheduled crisis/bailout scenario. It just makes sense for America."
Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner agreed that some sort of ongoing plan was needed, saying, "Wall Street is America, and we need to provide for its long term survival - after all, how can we ask these heroes to get by without obscenely huge bonuses to motivate them? Besides, I won't be in this crummy job forever, and when I go through that revolving door - just like any American - I want some job security."
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