"Alvin Greene Plans to Challenge Obama in 2012 Primaries" Faux News 6/28/2010
'Running election campaigns is so easy, even I can do it!'
A Humor Times exclusive report
MANNING, SOUTH CAROLINA -- Fresh off a surprise Democratic primary victory against Vic Rawl, in which he ran what he calls a "non-campaign," Alvin Greene has announced that whether or not he wins the election against incumbent Republican Jim DeMint in the fall, he plans to challenge Obama for the Democratic primary in 2012.
"Heck, this stuff is so easy, even I can do it, so why not?" Greene asked a roomful of reporters this morning. "Besides, I'm a celebrity now," he added, munching on a Snickers candy bar.
Asked if he thinks he can get any financial backing for the run, Greene said, "I don't need no stinking financials, I know how to make flyers now, the guy at Kinko's showed me. Besides, my name is Al Greene. C'mon -- fucking AL GREENE, alright?"
It's true, many have admitted voting for him because his name reminded them of the iconic soul singer Al Green, named by Rolling Stone in 2005 as number 65 in their list of the "100 Greatest Artists of All Time." Greene said he plans to make Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" his campaign theme song in 2012.
Asked what his campaign platform might consist of, Mr. Greene responded with his trademark, endearing deer-in-the-headlights look, and after a long pause, said, "Oh, I got some scrap wood out back and a few nails, and I know how to use a hammer. Bet ya thought I didn't, huh? It'll be a good, sturdy platform, you can bet on it."
"Besides," he added, "that guy in the suit that helped me this time said he'd be back, and he'd have some new computer chips for the voting machines, or something like that."
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